Seahorses Are Real

'"But that's not you. It's not really you when you are ill"

"Yes it is, it's a part of me."'

I'm exhausted. I've just finished reading Seahorses Are Real as part of the LibraryThing Early Reviewers programme. Whether it was the writing, the unrelenting misery, or my own problems getting in the way it took me all bloody week. For perspective I could usually finish something of that length in two days so yeah, I'm exhausted. As you can imagine I had a bit of a mixed reaction.

Seahorses are Real details the abusive relationship between Marley, who suffers from depression, and David. David plunged himself into the relationship with hopes of saving her and, as the novel opens, he realises he can’t. How surprising. And the misery they bring each other is the subject.

The idea that depression makes you miserable isn't new nor is the idea that it can make the lives of people around you miserable. You, in a sense, loose all perspective. Things get blown out of proportion, you become irrational. You can say, and do, shitty things as a result of that. I have. And I have the ends of relationships and bruises from punching walls to prove it.

But I think David gets off lightly here. He too has a skewed view of things. He is the stereotypical nice guy (with as many TM's as you would like) who wants to save Marley. In his dreams he is rescuing her. He thinks he can protect her and rescue her. Fix her. The fact that he can't, that he has failed adds bitterness to an already sour situation. I really don't think that is explored enough.

The story is told in through cycle of fighting and making up. Abuse and making nice. And the unrelenting cycle that is Marley’s life: Jobcenter, ineffectual councillor (who makes remarks and hand her pills in sealed envelopes, this book could be read as an advocacy for proper treatment if nothing else!), home. The cycle that she longs to ditch as much as the depressive thoughts.

Like that, as a study, the novel doesn’t do too badly. It shows the horrible reality of a couple who only show affection with a side of sarcasm and who are overly dependant on each other for their happiness quite well, even if Marley is up – I think unfairly – for more criticism.

However the writing falls short. And I hesitate to say thing because I can see what’s trying to be achieved but it does just tend to fall back. The overload of adjectives, clichéd similes, repetitive sentences are a tool to let us see through Marley’s mentally ill gaze. However with the third person it just makes the novel seem clumsy and unpolished.

When the viewpoint characters switch and we see things from David’s eyes it does so clumsily. Several places I was dragged out of the story wondering where I was and who I was with now.

I will treasure the description of the calm after the storm, the hopefulness following a breakdown but ultimately the writing keeps me from giving the thumbs up, excited grin recommendation.

Hiding Inside on A Sunny Day

And my face is starting to burn so allow me, if you will, to rave about a book.

I read Halting State by Charles Stross as it was a new addition to Torquay Library. It still had that sexy new book smell which is a luxury for me right now. But the smell isn't the point, neither is the cute pixel art on the cover.

Halting State is about very bad things going down in an online game. It's tales of futuristic technology are delicious. Nothing that hasn't been predicted in a feature on Click but made much more human by the everyday lives surrounding it.

The novel follows three characters Sue, of the Edinburgh constabulary, Jack, who knits and programmes and, Elaine, forensic accountant and - in her spare time - a medieval swords person. The viewpoint is switched to tell the story from the three perspectives. I tried to race through Sue's because her story was much less interwoven with the other two.

What was really clever though is that it is written in third person. It gives a great effect of throwing you in the story and getting you emotionally involved without giving the game away. After all you assume you knows all about it while I may want to give subtle hints or tell you outright. This way the surprises stay surprises.

The plot moves on from robbery in an online game through industrial sabotage and international espionage the plot becomes a little hard to follow in the last twenty pages or so. The race for 'The End' is fast paced and in that it looses something.

Halting State is, however, a fantastic, realistic near future bit of SF. It gets extra bonus points for having characters instead of caricatures and someone who knits.

A little round up

Because things don't happen to you unless you blog about them I'm going to do a quick round up of the things in my life that don't let me waffle for long enough to get a full blog post out of them but are nevertheless really exciting.

1. I've been selected to be on staff for Fusion! It's the Fourth of next August and is set to be spectacular. From the website 'Fusion will feature over a thousand of the best outdoor performers from across Europe, with everything from music and dance to circus acts, buskers and theatre performers'. If you are a little girly Guide (girly Guide!) you can start booking places on the 4th January.
2. If you used to be a little girly Guide (girly Guide!) you can chat with former and current members on Guides Reconnected. I'm on there.
3. I've got a reviewers copy of Seahorses are Real on it's way. It's 'a haunting tale of love and tragedy'.
4. I own three copies of The Picture of Dorian Gray already. But I want this one.
5. One of our Bookcrossing books made it all the way to Italy!

This Guide's Guide to Growing Up as a Girl

Following on from the last post about Anita and Me, I often wonder what books I would give out to the young people in my life as a sort of crash course. It's easy enough to give a vegan cupcake recipe to the young girl wanting to go vegan or Stitch and Bitch to a beginner knitter. But what about those not so specialist subjects, the ones that intrude on our everyday life?

What about something can persuade them that, yes, feminism is reliant to them and it's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact it can actually help them by letting them know it's okay to stand up for themselves, and to take responsibility for themselves. Granted it's a bit more 101 than my favourite treatments on the subject but just perfect for the 13-16 year olds in my acquaintance. The ones in need of a little 101.

First is He's a Stud, She's a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know by Jessica Valenti. Granted I'm coming to review it here days after I got rid of my copy . I did find it a bit too 101. That is why I give it up to the gods of book crossing. I did also object quite strongly to one passage: ‘Boobs are not for boys’ …‘boobs are future baby food’. Because in my mind saying boobs are 'for' anyone is taking ownership away from the woman who can do whatever she wants with her boobs.

But, aside from that minor niggle, I think this would be a great first Feminism book for any young woman. It's funny, accessible and deals with their lives not abstract ideas. It's an appetiser. And that is why I bookcrossed it.

Then there is Getting in Touch with Your Inner Bitch which is all about standing up for yourself and being assertive. It tells you the dangers of being Nice (as opposed to genuinely nice) and how you should stand up for yourself.

One example that the book used that especially stood out for me was about condoms. I knew a girl at college who was too Nice to ask the guy to get some, too Nice to get some herself. So she ended up with the morning after pill, and putting both her body and mind at significant risk. She could have done with being a bitch and young women need to know that it is okay to be one too. It, of course, helps that it's a funny, easy to read book.

But, at the end of the day, I think the most necessary piece of advice I'd give to my younger cousins is this Dorothy Parker verse:

The Lady's Reward

Lady, lady, never start
Conversation towards your heart;
Keep your pretty words serene;
Never murmur what you mean.
Show yourself, by word and look,
Swift and shallow as a brook.
Be as cool and quick to go
As a drop of April snow;
Be as delicate and gay
As a cherry flower in May.
Lady, Lady, never speak
Of the tears that burn your cheek-
She will never win him, whose
Words had shown she feared to lose.
Be you wise and never sad,
You will get your lovely lad.
Never be serious or true,
And your wish will come to you-
And if that makes you happy, kid,
You'll be the first it ever did.

Believe me, I've tried it. So perhaps I should get them all a Portable Dorothy Parker instead.

Edit: Both my girl cousins are white, straight and able bodied. So that effects my recommendations a lot.

A big pile of books about India

I want to start today in India. And not just because I want to be waking up to breakfast at Sangam rather than a pile of washing.

I’ve been reading a few books that have India in common lately. From the library Haunting Bombay and Anita and Me, Oxfam bought me The Counting House and I managed to snag an early reviewers copy of Life of Pi (yes, I know it isn't new! There was a copy of Brideshead Revisited on the list a month back too. Still I'm not going to complain about a free book...)

We'll start with Haunting Bombay by Shilpa Agarwal. It's the one I finished last night and the one that stays in India. Set in 1960's Bombay it tells the story of the Mittal family who are haunted by their drowned baby. It is a ghost story, a story about Hindu superstition and the Mittal family trying to vanquish their ghost. Maji, the overbearing matriarch, using every trick in the book to keep her family safe.

But there is a background noise that keeps getting louder. It whispers about gender, sexuality, colonisation, superstition, sexism. Pinky Mittal's mother was killed in partition, two servants - sisters - lost their parents to famine. The superstition that saves the family from the ghost causes misery and ruined lives. Maji's perfect family is helped along by corrupt officials, poor workers, and gently bending the lives and desires of family members until they become one with the goals of the family.

All of this is done with a feather light touch. Themes are introduce, imperceptibility woven in and tied up neatly at the end. The writing is delicate and sublime and very much recommended.

Next up is Meera Syal's Anita and Me. Between the awards and the film there isn't much new I can say. But that has never shut me up before. Set in a small Midlands town in the 60's this is the story of Meena growing up in the only family that isn't white.

It took me a while to get used to the writing. I was, a bad habit, trying to race on ahead instead of slowing down to savour the sweet, conversational tone. Once I did I enjoyed it. A lot. It reminded me of what the world looked like when I was a ten year old. Not literally but it had the same 'what's going on here', 'I'm board', 'am I adopted' angst that comes about with adolescence.

I'd like to make this required reading for all of my teenage cousins. It's funny, sweet, and could probably explain why they aren't allowed shaved heads at school better than I ever could.

Immigration again, this time to Guyana in the nineteenth century with David Dabydeen's The Counting House. I have to say I've found it hard but time apart from the book has me thinking about it in a new light. It is crude, the characters speak in a stilted English and I found that difficult to read. Once I got into it I found the story bewitching, definitely well crafted but by the end I was unfulfilled.

Okay, on to the free book! Life of Pi. Yes, the one about the boy lost at sea with a tiger. I enjoyed reading it. It's a very enjoyable book. As usual, I enjoyed the set up more than the part where things happen. All the talk of religion, zoology, family life I enjoyed it much more than the bit on the life boat, even if it did involve a tiger. It's beautifully written, almost painted, and an enjoyable read

A beginners guide to acting

Often it's hard to feel like you are truly doing something in the world. It's even harder, once you feel inspired, to start.

How is it that you can make a difference? How can you stop the council from removing trees from a park? Where the hell do you find a feminist book club? I don't have a clue. So I turned to books for the answers.

How to Save the World in Your Spare Time is written by environmental activist Elizabeth May. It is based on her Democracy 101 lessons given to Canadian activists. There is an unmistakable Canadian bent but a UK reader will still find it useful.

The tag line on the back 'Got five minutes? You can save the world!' reminds me of an old Guiders joke. An old advertising campaign asked people to volunteer one hour a week. Considering most Guide meetings last longer than that without mentioning planning and residentials most volunteers found that insane. Indeed the last chapter is about the joys of devoting your life (that is, all of it) to activism.

Still it inspires you with ideas, advice and tried and tested techniques. There is guidance on starting a group, writing press releases, creating petitions and even such topics as civil disobedience.

Although this book is written from the perspective of environmental campaigns it can be used by people pursuing other issue. Although I suppose loggers may be put off.

My second book came firmly from a feminist bent. Jennifer Baumgardener and Amy Richards' Grassroots: A Field Guide for Feminist Activism.

It's definitely inspiring but isn't quite as full of practical advice. Some of the same ideas are covered such as how to start a group but the focus is more on how to find activism in your everyday life rather than making activism your life.

It has a narrower audience too. The narrative created by the chapters is very American (and, I'm told, middle class, New York focused). It takes us from activism in high school, college, the workplace. But a scatted, unfocused chapter is also included on activism and art.

Throughout the book pieces of advice are broken up by people who have actually tried them. Sometimes it went well other times groups fizzled out or the person burnt out. This is fantastic to hear for anyone who ever wondered if the activist was super human.

I'm left feeling inspired by both works. Grassroots offers me the advice I need for working on an individual level and How To Save The World... gives me advice for achieving the impossible.

I'm glad Grassroots said there was more to do than write letters, donate money and volunteer. It makes me stop feeling like a bad feminist for not being able to afford £5 a month for the Fawcett society. Although I do wish the more simple, elementary things like how to write to representatives were covered. But if you are looking for ways to get involved both books give plenty of ideas.

And following advice I'm planning something fun for International Women's Day.

Going Away

I'm off. For the weekend. Camping in Wales. My Dad and I are going with my uncle Mick and his friends. I consider it cheating that my Dad wants to take camp beds, they are taking full size blow up beds and a fridge freezer.

The place we are going to is called Bala. It's famous for stocking knitting but as the wool for my Anna Socks hasn't come I'll be working on my patterned vest, shown above in my Tool Tote.

Four days, four books. Two read before but need a second glance. A Handful of Dust and Brideshead Revisited my bestest and worst Waugh respectively. Camouflage and Fudoki are my new books (new to me at least) bought for the occasion. I accidentally read half of Camouflage last night. Oops

The plan is up Snowden and lots of messing around the camp site. I doubt a visit to the place Collinette grows will be an option but there are craft shops in town as well as t-shirts to buy.

To my fellow countrymen have a great bank holiday weekend and to everyone else have a great whatever you call the next four days.

Bye

The Swag Post

This post is dedicated to all the books in the world. I have a Library Thing now. Down a bit, there you go. It should come in more useful once I put my non-fiction in it and term starts. The way it works now My unread/being read fiction is above my bed, the cook books are at my Mum's (the place I cook), knitting patterns and craft books at my Grans, and the majority of my non-fiction and the fiction I have read lives at my Dads with my kids books.

So having some sort of inventory would be useful. Especially when my course books, cookbooks, and unread books move back over the Pennines with me.

This post is also dedicated to me. As much as I have come to the realisation that I shouldn't lie about my size (12/14 on bottom 14/16 on top) because I'm supposed to be skinny, I've also come to the realisation that I'm young. I really don't support anyone dressing 'old'. I'd rather people where what they want and what makes them happy. So in the name of getting me more fun, home made clothing I ordered Yeah I Made It Myself and Generation T. Never being on to shy away from the clichéd and tacky in the first place.

Yeah I Made It Myself was bought to give me a better grounding in the sewing world. I can do it but not very straight and I've never used my sewing machine. Tried it once, thought it was broke and got too sacred to do anything with it. Seeing as I wanted to start with something more than a small backstitch only project but not wrestle with the machine I was hoping there would be more than just how to backstitch. Well there was how to tack. The projects are lovely and the prose sets the right tone. There are also some basic knit projects. Arm warmers, collars, scarves. Fantastic. I have two young cousins that may like this one. I love it.

Generation T is trendy as fuck. I can barely read the little tit-bits and introductions. It's just too much. The projects range from Flashdance flashbacks to a gorgeous wedding dress (yes made out of t-shirts, yes it's really gorgeous, really very). Looking through the projects is like being at a shop. One person will not look good in all the designs but there will be a design that will look good on you. More than one. Clichéd and tacky, yes. Fun, definitely. Some of the projects are no sew which I'm neither for or against. The book does have what I was looking for. The most comprehensive list of practical hand stitches I've seen.

[edit]Measurements are unhelpful in both 'Yeah…' has dreadful pictures. Imagination needed.[/edit]

Also in the pictures is half of my camping reading as well as a beautiful hairgrip Louise sent me. Thank you.